Rune of Listening
Feel the Signal, Listen to the Body
An image of a hand expressing a pause. To feel and listen to the body’s signals and then communicating them outwards in a safe and loving matter. With the intention of practicing care for yourself, honoring your body’s capacities and building from where you are.
I overstepped my body's capacities by not listening to the signals it gave. It starts with the signal of yes. A magnetic interest builds up towards another woman. I feel drawn and pulled towards her. This is my body communicating a "yes." We meet several times, my body feels open and I say all the correct things. I feel that it is meant to be. Depending on the amount of intimacy we have, there comes a point where my body starts to say "no." It starts to signal and communicate that its capacities are being met. I am now at the border between having capacity for intimacy and having no capacity. My pattern? Either not listening and being unaware of what my body signals, or being aware of it and not saying it, because of fear. Fear of being yelled at or losing the relationship. Consequence? I overstep my body's capacities and a storm starts building inside.
The Storm
The wind picks up. The waves start getting stronger and more ferocious. A storm is approaching. My stomach does not feel good and doubtful thoughts rush through my head. The body is in a panic, and I suddenly need a lot of space. The shift is quick. The storm looks like a big need to declutter myself. Like a sudden urge to give away my clothes, sell my bike, or delete my social media. It also looks like doubtful thoughts regarding the relationships I am in, and especially the romantic ones. Thoughts of other women can suddenly start appearing, and I observe a need to be physically close to them. Often fantasizing about breasts and being held. The storm rages and crashes most strongly towards those I am physically and most intimate with. It often brings with it energetic blockages which I feel as a "wall" in my stomach and chest. It feels like no energy is going outwards, and I do not physically feel like I want to be close.
The storm happens when I overstep my body's capacity. I have stretched it too thin, and now it is in a place where it feels unsafe. Each time the storm comes, it feels like I have not managed to listen to my body and honor its capacities. It feels like betrayal. Betrayal of a need for safety.
Listen and look underneath
What comes up in you regarding the urge to declutter, thoughts about other women and being held by them, or energetic blockages are signals from your subconscious and body. Signals that represent something your body are communicating to you. Stop reacting blindly to them. Start listening and talk to your body. When you get an urge to declutter, rather than following the urge, stop and ask your body: "How are you feeling now? Am I doing too much?" Listen to what is underneath the decluttering "signal." Underneath is a signal of you doing too much and being asked by your body to step down. To do less. To listen to it.
When thoughts about other women, wanking or watching porn comes up. Rather than following those thoughts, stop and ask: "Dear beautiful body. What are you really communicating to me now?" It is not about the other woman, the breasts, or the porn. Those images are used to communicate something else. What is that? Safety. It is your body directly saying to you: "Now, I do not feel safe and need to be held and cared for. Things are a bit too much now and I feel overwhelmed. Please stop, and let us breathe for a second."
When an energetic blockage comes up in the body. Rather than believing that this is a rejection and means "I do not like this person anymore," listen and look what's underneath it. First, it is just a signal from the body. It is not good or bad in and of itself. It simply communicates a feeling of being full, and that now it is time for a break. It is your body communicating its capacities and boundaries towards you.
By looking within and starting to listen and communicate with your body, you can create the ability to completely and wholesomely be there and care for yourself. To do this more strongly, start being honest with yourself and recognize your body's signals.
The body’s signals
Your body communicates a yes, and a no. A "yes" feels like openness and an urge to be close to someone else. It is an interest and willingness to connect. A "no" feels like being full from a meal, closing in, and in need of space. It does not have interest in connecting with others.
The body communicates the yes and no in different ways. Some of the ways are through the thoughts it generates and underlying signals it communicates (as discussed above). Other ways are through sensations of energetic openness or blockage. When the body is open, it feels like energy is pouring out, and especially the front. When the body is closed, it feels like energy is blocked and does not pour out. The first can feel lighter, and the second heavier.
The problem is that you put stories on top of the signals and then believe them. Observe how stories are put on top of both signals. Listen and see what they are telling you and how they are connected to self-criticism, shame, or fear. See how you judge yourself for feeling drawn towards other women and people. See how communicating a no creates fear of rejection. Put yourself in a position to see more clearly how the stories are put on top of the signals. Observe how the stories make you overstep your body's capacities and boundaries.
Stop believing the stories and stop going into them. Start seeing the signals for what they are. Just signals. Sometimes you feel open towards people. Sometimes you do not feel that. It does not have to be complicated. What complicates things is the stories and thoughts. What complicates things is that you believe them.
I am asking a big thing. To stop believing in the stories and start staying with the feelings and sensations of the body. This is a big ask and may be the biggest ask for your lifetime. But we are here to care for ourselves, and this is exactly what this looks like. Start taking this seriously and start recognizing your capacity and build from where you are.
Recognize your capacity
You move poorly and slowly forward if you are not honest with yourself. You move forward by recognizing your capacity and then building from there. Stop comparing yourself to others, and start comparing yourself to yourself.
Ask your body these questions: "Dear profound body. Where are your capacities regarding X?" Where are your capacities and boundaries regarding romantic relationships? How can I learn to better listen and communicate to you? What you need to do is to recognize your body's capacities and then honor them. The capacities are simply where you currently are. The joy is to expand these capacities over time with care and patience.
You have the capacity to totally and fully be in a long-term relationship. You have the capacity to commit long-term to anything. You have the capacity to share your voice and make a stand. You have all of this, but to get to that place, all you need is to start building trust with your body. This looks like listening to its signals and honoring its capacity. When you successfully do this and generate the actions to prove it over time, capacity is built and trust is generated. This is the foundation you build.
Build the foundation
The foundation is to listen to your body's signals and then communicate them outward in a caring, safe, and loving manner. Stay with the feelings and sensations and do not believe or go into the stories. Practice this with everyone around you, and especially those you are intimate with. Be in the storm while it rages, and do not run away from it.
What to do regarding yes signals: See them for what they are. Signals that communicate a willingness to open up, be more close, and connect. It is natural and not shameful or bad. Communicate these signals out to those they touch with openness and care. They do not need to be acted upon either, and can just as easily be felt in your own body. How nice it is to feel all the lust and just be with that sensation.
What to do regarding no signals: See them for what they are. Signals that communicate a need for personal space and a feeling of being full. It is natural and does not mean that you are rejecting anyone. It means that what the body now needs is rest. It is your body communicating to you that it is starting to reach or has reached its capacity. Honor this signal and communicate it with care and love to those it touches. Do not communicate the story that is put on top of it, but just how you feel in your body and the sensations. If a blockage rises towards a person, communicate that to them and give yourself space to let it work itself through you.
Lastly, care for yourself.
Care for Yourself
If you do not have the ability and capacity to care for yourself, you cannot care for another. If you do not have it in yourself, then you do not have it in you to give out. Caring for yourself is caring about another. Because you build the inner capacity to care. The more you build, the more you can also give out.
