Rune of Joakim
Honor the Body, Free the Flame
The Inner child expressed as a flame inside a glass of jar. The lantern that always shines, never broken, but whole to begin with.
My track record of honoring my body's relational boundaries is low. It is not pretty, and I have many times stepped over my body's capacity. I failed many times and gave in to the temptation of grabbing. Grabbing and stepping over the boundaries of my body. I know the feeling: blockages of energy towards people. Overwhelmed sensations of nausea in the stomach and a storm of doubtful thoughts. Uncertain and unsecure panic in the body. Being chaotic towards myself and those around me.
You are not alone, and I stand beside you with my hand on your shoulder. It is going to be okay, as long as you dare to care for yourself.
You have an inner child who lives inside you. This child is called "Joakim," because that is what my own younger self was called before I changed my name to Elmod. The way you relate to Joakim defines how you relate to yourself and the world.
You live inside a lie
You live inside a story of original sin and brokenness. You think that when you feel overwhelmed and triggered, Joakim is scared and needs to be fixed. You think that something is wrong with you. You feel that it is something you need to fix. You swing back and forth between feeling triggered and overwhelmed and trying to fix it. It never gets you anywhere. It just creates more self-judgment and shame.
The story of Brokenness tells you this: You feel triggered. Blockages rise up in the body. You feel nausea, overwhelm, and doubtful thoughts storm your head. Screaming: "Run away!" Original Sin and the story of brokenness tell you that Joakim is now hurt and triggered. That he needs to be cared for, healed, and fixed. This creates a dependent relationship with yourself. A relationship where you are sinful and broken, and then need to be fixed. You are telling yourself: I am wrong. I am broken. I need to be fixed. And I fix myself through doing something.
By believing that you are originally sinful, you have already put yourself in the cage. A cage you cannot get out of. No matter how much you fix it. Because fixing it reinforces the belief that it exists. The way out of the cage is to stop believing the lie.
Stop believing the lie
You are the only one who can move yourself out of this. You must take the steps yourself. Stop believing in original sin and the story of brokenness. It tells a lie about yourself. It is only a condition from society. It does not speak about the truth of what is actually happening. What is true can only be felt and experienced inside yourself. Not in some book, holy temple, or through some holy woman. But in your own heart and feelings. If you want to become free, you must stop believing in these stories and start creating new ones.
The way forward
You are original blessing. You are a light that never was broken, hurt, or in any way in need of being fixed. Joakim is a burning flame that has always resided in the bottom of your belly. Running barefoot in the forest with its child laugh. Never broken or hurt, but waiting with endless patience underneath the layers of fear and conditioning.
Start believing in a story of wholeness. You are whole to begin with. Explore what this means for you and create your own answer.
When you now feel triggered and overwhelmed, blockages rise in the body and a storm of uncertain thoughts and feelings rush through you. Forget the old stories and invite in a new perspective. Original Blessing and the story of wholeness say that Joakim was never hurt or damaged. And that he is totally fine. He does not need to be fixed. It is not your responsibility to fix him. What you are actually feeling is your body communicating its boundaries and capacities to you.
Your body has different capacities for different situations.
You can be physically active for a long period of time hiking in the mountains without feeling overwhelmed or triggered.
You can have an intimate evening with a person and quickly feel overwhelmed and triggered.
What happens is that your body has created capacities towards different situations. This is represented as boundaries, and when crossed, sounds the alarm. The alarm is experienced as you feeling overwhelmed. Blockages. Uncertainty. Avoidance. It is your body telling you: "Hey! This now feels unsafe. You are not honoring my boundaries and capacities. You are starting to cross them, and this is uncomfortable for me." By not listening to your body and crossing the boundaries, you are telling your body: "I do not honor and listen to you." And your body then distrusts you more. Creating even bigger triggers next time. It is like the alarm goes off louder and louder each time.
Instead of thinking that the trigger needs to be fixed, think instead that the body has capacities and boundaries. And it is about honoring and listening to them. Creating a safe space where Joakim can feel free to shine in all his glory.
When you honor your own boundaries and communicate them to those around you, you slowly over time build trust with your own body. This is self-love in practice. You must set the boundaries yourself, because no one will do it for you.
A Welcome Message To Joakim
Dear beautiful Joakim. You are the bravest and most daring person I have ever known. You have held me through my whole life and been with me the whole way. Never left me, and never not been there. You have always resided inside my stomach, shining a warm sensation. I have forgotten you, but now I remember. I lost myself in stories of brokenness and believing you needed fixing. But you never needed fixing, because you never got broken in the first place. We are holding each other's hands. I am not here to heal or fix you. I am here to accept you and allow you to come forth and howl your mighty roar.
Do you want to come forth and play and wrestle with me? How bright can we two together dare to shine and care for each other? When we align, nothing is impossible.
